I am Ready

It has been so long since I have made it a point to sit down and write. I have so many drafts of stories and pictures and entries that I never hit publish.

Today, I'm hoping to break that hiatus and get back into a good habit of writing in our family journal.

Having three kids, being a working mom, the bishop's wife, keeping up with a household and all the other day to day things are keeping us so busy. But it's a happy busy. 

A few weeks ago someone called me a working mom. I laughed because I've been staying home since I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Lincoln back in 2014! But as I thought about it, I had to agree! I am a working mom.

After quitting my job after a really terrible, scary and unhealthy situation at my last workplace (more on that later), I immediately started working in childcare. I was a part time nanny for a really sweet family that ended up being our lifelong friends. A few years after that I started doing childcare from my home. It wasn't very uncommon for me to be surrounded by umpteen children 2 and under. 😅 Babies are the best. 

It has been such a fun experience. I am able to stay home with my children and contribute as a financial provider for my family. My income helped pay for our groceries, flights and vacations, zoo and museum memberships, cheeseburger and ice cream runs, slides and swings and a trampoline. I am a lucky one. 

As our little family has grown, I've been slightly aware that this chapter is slowly closing. As my kids gets older and smarter, I feel time slipping away from me. I want to keep them little forever but I also want to skip past the tantrums and really rough days. But they are amazing little humans that make me better every single day. 

And this guy. This guy right here. I honestly don't know how he does it. The way he can find such a balance between family, being the bishop, and work is so amazing. He has such a calm, understanding, and patient attitude about everything and everyone. He can tackle a problem head on and never flinch. I, on the other hand, may have the same good outcome, but I definitely have to shed a few tears, panic a bit, and then conquer the issue. I look up to him so much. 

Life as we know it is slowly shifting and it's scary. We're almost done with having children and that's an exciting but sad thing for me. We'd always talked about having 4 children, but now that it's almost here, I'm sad. I keep joking that only having one more pregnancy, one more baby, and one more child in our family is impossible. But then the hard days come and I think I can only handle one more. I'd have all the babies if I could, but I'm slowly coming to terms with accepting that I can only handle so much. 

But I think I'm ready for the new chapter. I'm ready for a busy schedule of soccer games and science fairs and school plays and vacations and life. I'm so excited to watch my children come into their own passions and hobbies and friendships and personalities. I'm ready. They're ready. I will definitely mourn the closing of this chapter of babies and nursing and cuddling and babble, but I'm so excited to watch them blossom. 

I didn't make it a big deal the last time I breastfed Lincoln, but I remember that day. I vaguely remember Abbie as she started talking more and more. I have tiny memories of Elijah's first steps. I have thousands of pictures and videos of my tiny humans to look back on as the memories fade a bit. And I will treasure those forever. 

Part of the reason why I need to get back into this habit of journaling is to have something to look back on when all of this is a blur. I'm not great about picking up a pen and a journal, but I can write little blurbs in my notes as they come. 

I want to look back on this blur of our life with joy and excitement and wonder. How did I juggle umpteen children through all the sleepless nights, pregnancies, potty training, zoo trips with 6 kids all 5 and under, thousands of diapers and snacks and noses to wipe? How on earth did I find a balance in my home with so many extra tiny humans and their extra crumbs and spills? (spoiler alert: sometimes I didn't 🥴) 

But as we come to an end to this era, I am content. I am grateful. I am blessed. I am happy. I am ready. Oh, so ready.