And then there were SIX!

 What a whirlwind of a year. After lots of trying on our own, trying with fertility meds, disappointment, more fertility meds, we are finally P R E G N A N T!

I've been trying to soak up this pregnancy. It was a total shock. I know that sounds silly when you're going through fertility treatment, but we didn't think it was going to work the first round of this new medicine. I had blood work done and the doctor told me the meds likely didn't work. We accepted it and prepared ourselves for another round of meds. That last round was very hard on my body, so I was not excited when the doctor told me we should use a higher dosage. I got pregnant with Lincoln on this same regimen, so I was hopeful my body would respond. But the news that it didn't work was extremely devastating.

And then, all of the sudden, I was feeling very tired at night when I usually have a lot of trouble falling asleep. I was also getting a few dizzy spells randomly throughout the day. I've experienced both symptoms with previous pregnancies, but I was also lacking other symptoms I've had in the past. I talked myself out of it for a few days.

After doing the math in my head, I decided I could take a test, but that it was still a little premature. I was shocked when I saw a very faint line. But I wouldn't let myself believe it just yet. I've had a few disappointing tests that seemed positive but were definitely negative. I had to stifle the excitement quite a bit. But that is a very hard thing to do!

A few hours later I took another test from a different brand. It was also very faint but the likelihood of two false positives seemed very slim. So I had a little bit of hope but didn't let myself run with it yet.

That night, I was at a social event. I wore a shirt that flaired out in hopes of hiding my very bloated and weight gained belly from all the fertility meds (and let's be honest, holiday weight 😅). Someone pointed to my stomach and asked "what I had going on over there". I was caught completely off guard and panicked a bit. This person has asked me many, many, MANY times if I'm pregnant. And always in front of an entire crowd of people. 😣🥴 Sometimes it really stung, sometimes I just brushed it off, and sometimes I just had to walk away. This time it was really hard on me. 

I made plans to surprise the family, but because I was asked in front of so many others, that opportunity was taken away from me. I panicked and asked Thomas to call the family so it didn't get back to them before we could tell them. 😔 It's still such a small detail in the grand scheme of things, but still a bummer that moment was kind of taken away from me.

I've been dreaming about this baby since I started dating Thomas 10 years ago. Truly. We had the "how many kids do you want?" conversation and we both agreed we wanted four. It was the perfect even number. So when we started trying over a year ago, my daydreams of this baby were more than just dreams, but hopefully a reality very soon.

I've had many, many dreams about this baby. Some good and some very scary. But the most vivid ones are the dreams of a dark haired little boy. And we just found out that it's a boy! 💙👣 

With my history of losses, it's extremely difficult to feel like you can connect. I'm still not allowing myself to be completely convinced of his healthy arrival. At least not yet. I've had a loss later than this, so it's really easy to feel discouraged.

During my first ultrasound I noticed a large dark spot on the scan. I recognized it pretty quickly. I have a subchorionic hematoma. 

It's about 3 inches. I've had friends with them and I've heard of them but I've never experienced it until now. Apparently it's pretty common and nothing to really worry about, but there's still that small fear. You never want to hear the words "expect to see blood". Even though I'm relieved the bleeding would have an explanation, it's really hard not to get a little PTSD from my previous losses.

But we are hopeful and grateful and ready for whatever our sweet little boy has in store for us.

I had my blood drawn to find out gender. I had them call my mom to tell her what I was having so she could surprise us with the gender. It was perfect! We can't wait to meet our Tiny. 💙💙💙