Her Babies

 Her Babies

For years she dreamt and waited to learn,

A mother to be she anxiously yearned.

The "baby hog" she'd grown up to be,

A nurturing nature they loved to see.

Babysitting and nannying were all a good sport,

But her dreams became closer as they started to court.

First comes love then comes marriage,

Then comes trouble and heartbreak and miscarriage.

Appointments and doctors and testing and pills,

The waiting and wondering pushed their wills.

"I don't want to try again. It's all just too much."

"Just give it one more month", he said with a hunch.

And that "one more" was all it would be,

A tiny heartbeat, and then there were three.

It was early, they said, but it all looks good.

She knew it was a boy. Finally she could.

The happiness and wonderment and dreaming and joy,

She loved that baby, she loved that boy.

So again they tried to give him a buddy,

But once again that path grew quite muddy.

The mud and the blood and the fleeting dream,

The crushing reality of "Who would they be?"

The hope and dream of number two,

She pushed and she shoved, that's all she could do.

But again the mud and the loss was upon her,

But this time it was longer, this time it was harder.

She cradled that baby gently with tears,

She could see their features, their arms, their eyes, through tears.

It was shocking to see and confusing to feel,

Labor pains, contractions, so surreal.

"It feels like real labor" she screamed from the floor,

He sped home from work and rushed through the door.

"Do I call 911?" She thought to herself,

Her toddler was sitting there watching her melt.

She'd suddenly awakened with confusion and pain,

She screamed out praying "Please take it away!"

Her screams of terror and the surreal reveal,

The confusion could stop, she could finally heal.

For months her belly grew larger and firmer,

"There's no heartbeat" the tech would softly murmur.

The surgery was scheduled, the plan was a go,

They'd remove the baby that struggled to grow.

On Monday she cradled her belly with love,

By Friday she knew that push came to shove.

In a small box that baby she placed,

Under a white mum, sweetly she graced.

Daily she'd water and nurture and tend,

Until the painfulness softened and the days would blend.

After two hard losses she tried to build hope,

But the doctor was short and didn't help cope.

"Hello, we're calling to schedule a scan!"

Reminding them of loss was never the plan.

"We can't prescribe meds, your case is too hard.

Just schedule here, the number on the card."

She left that office with her shoulders sagging,

Loss was so common, their comfort was lacking.

A fertility plan soon was in place,

The new doctor said she was a textbook case.

More scans and blood draws and bills to pay,

Talks of more meds and shots and delay.

“We have to rule out any other cause”,

The long list of tests caused them to pause.

HSG, SA, LH, LMP, IUI, FP, FSH, IVF,

The acronyms and terms she’ll never forget.

By some miracle, through all that disaster,

Her body woke up and made it much faster.

The last plan had failed so they made a new case,

Somehow, by grace, her fears were erased.

She knew she could do it, she knew it was possible,

She knew her Heavenly Father's plan was unstoppable.

The stars had aligned, her prayers were answered,

This type of result wasn’t the standard.

The dream, again, was about to come true,

They were allowed to wonder again, pink or blue?

Weeks flew by as the days grew closer,

The fear was alive, but she’d tell it “No, sir!”

And soon she was here, sweet angel on Earth,

It was a beautiful day, a magical birth.

Grandma and Aunt and Dad in the room,

A peaceful day, their hearts did bloom.

Tears were shed with a sister to adore,

Aching hearts healed a little once more.

First there were two, then three, now four,

They’d won that battle, they’d won the war.

A couple years later that want came alive,

“What if we made this clan a family of five?”

Cycles and tracking and trying and failing,

She was mad at her body, weeping and wailing.

Once again that hope was brutally crushed,

As the blood returned, she couldn’t adjust.

Again and again she continued to lose,

Her heart was battered and shattered and bruised.

She decided to take it into her own hands,

Came up with a method, an action, a plan.

Herbal remedies and a bunch of woo woo,

That’s what she decided was all she could do.

And wouldn’t you know it, two lines did appear,

But sadly they faded, a loss looming near.

Disappointment was an old friend of her time,

She buckled down though, she refused to whine.

Again, by a miracle or sheer willpower,

She made it happen, she tracked down the hour.

A piggyback pregnancy on top of fresh pain,

But the creeping doubt she started to gain.

The way she found out was quite the shock,

Her queasiness hit her like a rock.

"Maybe I'm pregnant!" an afterthought,

But a faint line appeared, her stomach dropped.

A newfound hope, dreaming and wonder,

A few months later, a familiar thunder.

The blood appeared again much to dismay,

Their hope was crushed, her blue skies went gray.

A nervous phone call to the nurse on the line,

"A little blood is okay, you'll be just fine."

Again the reality of loss was too close,

She wanted it badly, she wanted it most.

Abruptly she weaned her sweet little girl,

The emotions were sending her through a whirl.

Her body needed the focus and rest,

She couldn't help but take more tests.

She'd seen those two lines fade back to one,

She was sure this was the end, sure it was done.

But her belly continued to blossom and grow,

She embraced the pooch as she started to show.

The scans were normal, no reason for blood,

But she'd heard the before, her emotions did flood.

Heartbeat was strong, measuring right,

She prepared her heart for that lingering fight.

But the days and the months went by fast,

The fear of heartache started to pass.

She allowed herself to imagine and plan,

Excited to add a babe to their clan.

He arrived so perfectly, the labor a riot,

She was frantic and in pain and never quiet.

But she embraced that pain for she knew that soon,

A new babe would join them and hearts would swoon.

So again they enjoyed that baby's firsts,

And quickly they felt that gentle thirst.

Let's do this once more, a family of six,

She wanted to feel those tiny kicks.

For a year they tried to bring a new tot,

Intervention and meds to add to the lot.

So again they started the usual regimen,

She dreamed of a boy to name Benjamin.

New cycle, negative tests, tracking and lows,

Her labs would show zero, negative and nos.

Her levels, they said, just weren't ideal,

But she knew that bub, she dreamed of his squeals.

Let's try this new med, we think it will work,

It didn't, again, her doubt started to lurk.

She pushed for the old med she'd had before,

But again, bad news, crushed to the core.

"I'm not seeing the levels I think you need"

The disappointment and anguish she started to feed.

But slowly she gained a desire to try,

A new plan of action, her tears would soon dry.

But strangely her body decided to trick them,

She took a random test on a whim.

A faint line, she thought, started to appear.

She couldn't get excited, doubt was always near.

Her levels did double and triple and flourish,

Again her body was able to nourish.

That glimmer of hope that pushed away fear,

Their dreams of four were finally clear.

And at last their family was finally complete,

The end of that journey they did humbly greet.

The close to a chapter that spread them quite thin,

Surrounded with the love of babes, a win!

Moving on from this season of babies and birth,

They feel whole, complete, all spirits on Earth.

But a tiny part of her will always want,

That newborn rush, just one more jaunt.

The excitement of the future is what keeps her going,

So excited to see them growing and learning.

Witnessing their childhood and seeing their ways,

She thinks fondly back to those early days.

The nursing and diapers and sleepless nights,

She'd do it again, she'd take on that fight.

For the struggles they faced to bring them here,

Was more than worth it for their sweet little dears.

So finally we close that season of babies,

And look forward to adventures and maybe grandbabies!

She'll always look back at this journey fondly,

She learned so much during that quandary.

Patience and faith and growth and hope,

Enduring and healing and learning to cope.