Dear Baby

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Dear Baby,

My sweet little babe. Our sweet little babe. What a surprise you have been! After years and years of being told we couldn't do it on our own, you proved them wrong! You snuck right in when we thought we were complete. 

When I was pregnant with your big brother Tommy, I was already mourning the thought of having my last baby. I love being pregnant, dreaming of who they'll be, and look forward to labor and meeting them for the first time. I couldn't accept the fact that he was my last pregnancy, last labor, or last baby. I wanted all the babies! 

But as Tommy got older, I started to accept our new reality. I was finally letting that door shut and allowing that chapter to close. I was sad, but I was looking forward to watching your siblings do so many fun things! New sports, plays, clubs, and growing and learning and coming into their own personalities. I was finally content. A family of six!

But then BAM! There you were! We couldn't believe it. We still have a hard time believing it, but we're so excited for you to join this crazy clan! 

At first I had some strange symptoms, but I just wrote them off. But then there were other hints that you were there that I couldn't deny. So I took a test. It was very faint but something was there. The next morning there were two very light lines again. I was in total disbelief.

I snuck to the hospital to get some blood tests to see if you were really real. I didn't want to tell your dad just yet until it was confirmed. He checked me on the maps and saw I was at the hospital! He asked me why I was there. I told him I needed to get some blood work done. He asked if I was pregnant. I told him it was inconclusive. And then we fell silent. 😅

You see, you don't just have siblings here on earth. There are 6 little souls that didn't quite make it here whole. We were nervous that the blood tests would give us bad news, but we held out hope and prayed for you to stick around.

My levels were supposed to at least double, but they actually tripled! We were so relieved. The nervousness still hasn't faded, but you made sure to hang on tight and give us some good test results! 

I am also so, so sick. It's not just morning sickness but all the time sickness. It's been very hard, but every day that I'm sick just means you're still there. It's bittersweet but I love it. I will be sick every day of this pregnancy if it means you'll make it here to us.

Our first look at you was such a relief. We were actually nervous that you had another sibling in there! You had a very steady and strong heartbeat. You were even measuring bigger than expected! Already making sure we know you're there and healthy! What an amazing treat.

Little baby that is already so loved, we are over the moon excited for you. When we planned and pictured our family, it looked a little bit different. But getting to add a bonus babe to love on has been the best surprise of our lives!

Sometimes you think you know what God has in store for you, but He knows better. He knew we weren't complete and that we needed you to come into this world. You will do so many great things and touch the lives of everyone you meet. 

We already love you so much and we can't wait to meet you! 

Love, 

Your Mama


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