Baby March's Mums

Please be aware, there will be photos of a fetus and burial. 

Not long after everything happened, my sister asked me "What are you going to do with the baby?"

I was still in shock and barely able to process everything that had happened just 20 minutes earlier. And honestly, I hadn't even considered it. But she got me thinking. I chatted with a few friends about it. Some suggested I bury the baby in a park, a special trail, the yard, and so on. Nothing really felt right. We don't have much of a yard, and we won't be in this house forever, so I didn't want to bury the baby here. I was worried about nature disturbing the burial site at the park or on a trail. I gathered little ideas here and there and finally decided on a potted tree or plant that would eventually find its place when we buy our first home. And it felt so right.

My sweet friend Ashley and her daughter went with us to pick out a tree for Baby March. We chatted with an employee about what we wanted. Thankfully, Ashley took the reigns and asked all the questions. The employee was extremely blunt and not at all friendly. Needless to say, we quickly found out a tree would be very difficult to accommodate. The self proclaimed "Arborist" made us feel very uneducated. Again, I was so grateful Ashley was there because that would not have gone as well if I was the one asking the mean lady about trees! ;)

I have a very brown thumb. So I was clueless!

We browsed the outdoor plants and saw the most beautiful flower bushes. The purples, reds, oranges, and yellows. Ashley noticed a few bushes that hadn't bloomed yet and suggested white. We decided to get a bush with hundreds of buds so we could watch it bloom. So we got a large, beautiful Mum.

I loved the idea of white. The pure, sacred, heavenly white. The contrast to the green of the plant was also very special to me. The idea of new beginnings for a young plant and a fresh start seemed perfect.

The next day, Lincoln and I went out on an adventure to find a small, simple box to plant with the flowers. My original idea was to find something plain and biodegradable. But as we looked, I decided to choose a more ornate box. Ashley even made the connection that it would be more like a casket than just a simple cardboard or paper box. And I loved that. (And I've always loved owls!)

Lincoln and I replanted March's Mums that afternoon. He helped me with the rocks (all boy!) and dirt. I filled the box with dirt and carefully placed the baby, sac and placenta inside. I covered it with a little more dirt and settled it into the plant and placed the Mums over it.

After we finished, I felt a sense of peace. We can now transition the sadness of loss to the beauty of new life that will soon bloom. We will see the mums grow and flourish and bring us simple happiness. Lincoln and I even wave hello and goodbye as we pass by.

One of the hardest experiences of my life, if not the hardest, has become something so powerful and calming. I am so grateful my sister asked me such a simple question. I am healing even faster because we took the time to honor another baby we'll meet in Heaven.

Baby Graham

 March 22, 2017