The End of a Chapter

Our breastfeeding journey is officially over as of yesterday. I hadn't planned on blogging about this experience, but I don't want to forget how I feel in this moment. Breastfeeding has been such a huge part of my life and one of the most amazing things I've ever been able to achieve. I am so unbelievably grateful for these experiences.

I am so thankful Lincoln and I had such a strong nursing relationship for so long. I am in awe of my body and its power to nourish. It still blows my mind that for the first year of a child's life, they literally only need milk. Our bodies are so cool. Milk isn't just milk (it's water, fat, carbohydrates, protein, vitamins and minerals, amino acids, enzymes, and white cells.), so it makes total sense logically and scientifically. It's just still so cool that we can doing something so...magical!

Our breastfeeding journey in the beginning was a little rough. We had a lot of factors running against us; preemie, gestational diabetes, low blood sugar, lip tie, jaundice, etc. His low blood sugar made him lethargic, so I would have to literally wake him every two hours, 24/7 to nurse. It was so frustrating to try and wake a sleepy baby. One time it took me over 45 minutes to get him to nurse. I told the pediatrician and he laughed and said I was too nice. He joked he could get him awake within seconds. That didn't make me feel awesome, but he was right. A cold wash cloth did the trick!

My milk took its sweet (pun intended!) time coming in. I did something called triple feeding for the first month or so of Lincoln's life. This is a long process of nursing, then pumping, then bottle feeding. We repeated this method every 45 minutes in the very beginning. By the time we were done feeding, I had to get ready to feed again. It was a rough process, but so worth it in the long run.

I got into such a crazy habit of pumping that I ended up being able to feed Nigeria and its neighbors. Nursing and pumping 'round the clock (literally all hours of the night and day) sent my body some crazy signals. It was such a normal thing in the beginning, so when I was pumping a ton at 6 weeks postpartum, it didn't seem too crazy. I loved seeing my freezer fill up with hundreds (and eventually thousands) of ounces of milk. I loved having that emergency stash. I wanted Lincoln to thrive on my milk. If my supply went away, or I got sick and couldn't nurse anymore, I would at least have that milk as a backup. But as my supply grew, so did the needs of others. Moms who struggled to nurse, heart babies, breast cancer survivors, etc would all benefit from my milk. Pumping was literally a labor of love. It was time consuming, but such a precious gift I could give to others with minimal effort.

Little dude needed to be held while I pumped. I love this picture. 

He's so squished and folded in half!

While pregnant, I was very open to the idea of breastfeeding and/or formula. My attitude was very much: "If breastfeeding works out for us, that's great! If not, formula is an awesome invention that we have that literally keeps our babies alive!" While I know the benefits of breast milk outweigh formula in a lot of areas, it is still perfectly designed to be exactly what our babies require to thrive. And that is amazing.

A few months ago, someone mentioned a correlation between breastfeeding and miscarriages. At first I was skeptical, but it seemed like a legitimate concern the more I researched it. I scoured the internet and read that there wasn't any hard evidence of breastfeeding causing miscarriage, but I'm sure it didn't help the pregnancy. But when I was hit with the impression that I needed to suddenly wean, I lost it. I did not want to give up something so special between us so suddenly and with no warning. Ultimately we didn't decide to stop, and I'm not sure it would have changed the outcome of the pregnancy at all.

Thomas and I have been trying for another baby for a long time, as all of you are very aware. Breastfeeding sends your body signals that you shouldn't get pregnant because you're already feeding a little one. We're currently seeing a fertility specialist right now (and that ain't cheap) and taking the next steps for having another baby, so I really want to eliminate all factors that could be working against us.

We are scheduled for quite a bit of testing soon (HSG, genetic testing, etc), so the timing for weaning was perfect. I had a lot of motivation at this point. I really didn't want to wean and I was so back and forth about it. I found I was talking myself out of it a few times. But now that we're almost 2 days into weaning, I'm so glad we did it.

My little baby seemed to change into a little boy overnight. I just sat there watching him in awe at dinner. Using a fork to eat and drinking from a bog boy cup (and spilling it everywhere!). This really is a new chapter for us. I'll cherish those memories, moments, and cute little things he did while nursing. From ripping my lips off, shoving fingers in my nose, looking up at me and smiling, and seeing the love in his eyes. There's literally nothing like it and I am so thankful we were both given such an incredible bond.

The last picture I ever took of him breastfeeding. I'll savor those moments forever.

Love, Jenny and Link